Numb. 1181 Conservative Run-ons On Soccer (A Pre-emptive Petition Presuming Transition)

Why can’t we Conservatives talk, at all, of the obvious pitfalls of soccer? More, every day, OUR children comport in this foreign sport, a mockery of football and U.S. democracy. While at the same time, in far-away climes, aliens mock us, purporting OUR football's boring, monotonous. With imported soccer increasingly popular, OUR society's falling apart: LGBTQIA+ highlights setting their sights on ungodly claim to their share of OUR equal rights; childless cat ladies sharpen their claws, preparing to fight us (down on all fours?); abortion proponents' distorted components — “ballot initiatives” — forestalling just laws forcing women to do what we say OUR God requires them to. Such things never happened before soccer was popular. OUR only demand? That soccer be banned. Once this foreign product is off of OUR shelves, we'll get all upset about something else.

Numb. 1169 Problem Solving 101 (or Disinherit Die Kinder)

If spayin’ and neut’rin’s best fur pets,

why not do it t’ chillun?

Make ’em less a cause fur regrets,

less prone, in do course, t’ rebell’n?

Yes, yes, I hear what yer sayin’,

“Neut’rin’, ’ spayin’ — ya mean no gran'chillun?

No one’ll visit when I’m old ’n’ feeble?

’n’, if I’m rich, act all agree’ble?

fetch glasses o’ water t’ go with m’ pill?

askin', all casual, ‘What’s in yer will?'”

Small price to pay! Is what I say!

Excuse, please, if I seem vehement.

We go this way, one not far away day

the planet'll be far less v’olent.

On this can there be disagreement?

Numb. 1136 Advising Vance To Retreat

Dear JD,

Do we want AOC to have kids, socialist brats like herself?

She would be a complete Commie mommy.

Bad for the economy. DEMEANING WEALTH!

Her sexy supply of Marxian wildness

compounds our demand she remain childless.

Sincerely,

Project 2025

The Plan To Repeal The Twentieth Century (TPTRTTC)