Numb. 1759 Two Birds With One Stone

Numb. 1455 Trompe Saves Planet From Martians

CLIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES (6/26/2025)

Numb. 1403

CLIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES (5/4/2025)

Numb. 1357 A Mess Age From A Eye Chart, A Paean To Elon, plus (sadly) RFK

(Cover one eye. Read each letter.)

*  *  *

I never called Elon a “doge bag”.

Well, I don't mean it that way.

I suppose, sometimes, he could use a nose bag.

At least, when feeling his oats. Anyway,

let him go round, eyes set on Mars.

Meanwhile on Earth his head’s up his arse.

   *  *  *

The health secretary [Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.] has suggested allowing the [bird flu] virus to spread, so as to identify birds that may be immune. - New York Times

The more I observe how this pup carries on

the more I wish daddy had married Marilyn.

Meantime, why not give preschoolers guns?

By their teens we'll have means to see who'll misuse 'em.

Why not give kids measles instead of vaccines, and see which survive into their teens? Breed for immunity. Save the community. Pity to miss such a great opportunity.

Numb. 1264 Why DOES Elon Keep Sending Me Email?

Surely someone smart as Elon

would realize anyone as woebegon

and decrepit as I will not respond

to repeated offers for magical heaters

or miracle gizmo electric bill beaters.

How can Elon reach for the stars,

think about building best cars on Mars,

mold Donald into the first of our tsars,

still find the time to fill my inbox

with offers for gadgetry he says really rocks?

Could these emails not be truly Elon’s?

Phishing scams from third world peons?

If Elon did send them he must have his reasons.

You just gotta trust a man for all seasons.

I'd better answer and do it fast.

These things sell quick, supplies will not last.

Credit card number and CVV,

expiry date, okay, yessiree.

Exceptional deals. FOX News agrees.

And to think Elon chose them expressly for me.